Blogging from my phone again, so bear with me. Just read my friend Pandora's blog titled Shattered illusions. That title resonated with me. I find that I really have no illusions left. The last few months have stripped away every last one. I have learned that family can't be trusted. Most friends shake their heads and give advice I really can't follow. I don't even trust the ground I stand on anymore.
I was talking to a member of my church and was told that I had caused them to question their faith. Said that they now questioned a God that would so test someone. Wtf does that even mean? God's got it in for me, too? Most days, I feel like a boxer that keeps getting beat, but is too stubborn to go down. But it really isn't being stubborn, I just don't know what else to do. Just not really wanting to be here anymore.
So, non in this place and this time, there are no illusions left. And the only happy endings are in the movies.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
Catching up
I used to tell my friend, Pandora, that she needed to blog so that she could have a relatively safe venue to really express herself. Its kind of funny that she has taken to it like a fish to water, where as I, the so called writer, have avoided doing the same. I'm sure that she would, and will, have plenty to say about that and what it says about me. And I'm sure that most of it would be true.
Life has been heading down an increasingly dark path, and I have so few people that I can really talk to, so I will make a late New Year's resolution: I will spend more time here and better express the things going on in my life. Sadly, only one person is ever likely to read any of this. Maybe it's some kind of commentary on my life that I have so very few people I really trust enough to call friend. I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately, and I don't see much to feel very pleased about.
To be honest, I want two things. One is to close the doors of my root cellar and just shut out the world. Secondly, I also want someone to break through the doors of the root cellar, take my hand and tell me that it's going to be ok, I really will get out of this mess alive. Even though I know that's just a pretty lie.
Hopefully, we will talk again, soon.
Life has been heading down an increasingly dark path, and I have so few people that I can really talk to, so I will make a late New Year's resolution: I will spend more time here and better express the things going on in my life. Sadly, only one person is ever likely to read any of this. Maybe it's some kind of commentary on my life that I have so very few people I really trust enough to call friend. I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately, and I don't see much to feel very pleased about.
To be honest, I want two things. One is to close the doors of my root cellar and just shut out the world. Secondly, I also want someone to break through the doors of the root cellar, take my hand and tell me that it's going to be ok, I really will get out of this mess alive. Even though I know that's just a pretty lie.
Hopefully, we will talk again, soon.
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